last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
