I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
