so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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