So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Randomize
