is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I'm sorry, you're actually right. Ostrich racing happens, and they're ridden like a horse. Bewildered and distraught.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
