Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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