i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
