After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
Can I color on your dick again?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
Randomize