We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
Randomize
