K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
True strength comes from lack of pants
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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