Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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