her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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