Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
we're making bets on your personal life
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Randomize
