Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
