A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize