Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
