lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Randomize
