This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
