I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Randomize
