There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Fuck appropriateness.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize