I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
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