I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
Randomize
