Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
I wish you could order shots online.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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