What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
Randomize
