Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
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