I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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