we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
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