Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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