Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Randomize
