We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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