i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
