Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I don't deserve a penis
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
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