I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
Randomize
