I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Randomize
