fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize