you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
