I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
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