she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Found your dick twin last night
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Randomize
