hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
The power of my boobs compel you
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
