she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
