I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
