even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
