pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
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