This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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