the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
