One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
