I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
