Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
Randomize
