And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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