i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
