When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
