Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
