real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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