my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize