I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
