So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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