i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
