Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize