waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
