How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
