i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
He kissed a someone with a penis
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
