You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
