I smell stomach acid.
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
