At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
