I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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