So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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