Don't you send me to vm
ugly people sure do ruin things
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
