if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
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