he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Randomize
