I have demons in me.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
