i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
