She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
