Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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