is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I believe in your delicious
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize
