Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
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