we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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