but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Randomize
