My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
