You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
The uberlube is also flammable
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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