so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
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