I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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