i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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