If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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