Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
