Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
Randomize
