I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Guess who woke up with a hangover this morning? The same person whose parents found out and woke her up by banging pots and pans with wooden spoons.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
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