Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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