Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
