I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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