I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
Randomize
