Kiss
Puke
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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