I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
