Can i not drive my cunt home
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
