Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Randomize
