Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Randomize
