Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
