singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Randomize
