I see my mary-anne walkin' awa-y-y! Bow Nahw now new, ne ne ne ne ne, ne ne nehw, ne ne new new Nah dan ah bwawn-now, ba bwan'll buh dada bwiddly doo.
That was supposed to be me air guitaring the solo from More than A Feeling
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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