I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
