she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
