Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
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