woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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