Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
