The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
