508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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